All over the country today--Valentine's Day--men are down on bended knee proposing marriage

They will speak of love and affection and devotion. Few, however, will mention what really matters: money.

Crass, maybe. But true nonetheless.

When you think about it, couples don't fight over love. They fight over money. They fight because one person didn't balance the checkbook or made a bone-headed investment without consulting the other. They fight because one partner exerts dictatorial control over the money, or because one has secretly amassed thousands of dollars in debt on a credit card, imperiling the couple's finances.

Whether the issues are big or small, money will prove a powerful force impacting your marriage -- sometimes overtly in the form of routine arguments; sometimes quietly as animosities seethe beneath the surface for years, only to explode into a potentially marriage-ending supernova.

What couples don't always grasp is that money is rarely the real culprit. It's the lack of communication, often stemming from a lack of knowledge about each other's personal financial quirks and beliefs.

So, some time between "Yes, I will marry you," and "I do," you and your partner need to have The Money Talk--the key questions all couples should ask of one another.

Here are four of the more important questions to ask each other, since they provide insight and information on how money will flow through your marriage.

1. What Are Your Assets and Liabilities?

This question is paramount because assets and liabilities are the basic building blocks of the financial life you'll live together. Assets (banks accounts, investments, retirement plans and a house) help you strive for the life you want. The liabilities (a mortgage, credit-card debt, auto loans and leases) will hold you back.

Your goal is to pinpoint where you are financially as a couple so that you can map out where you want to go together. That could mean determining how much you want to save each month for retirement, or how much you want to put into an account for a new house, a new car or an annual vacation.

It also could mean talking about how you each use debt and the amount of debt you each have -- and mapping out a plan to pay off as quickly as possible the combined debt you will have as a family.

The best way to approach this: Present each other with a copy of your net-worth statement, a simple list of all your assets and liabilities. And voice no judgments. Mocking a partner's choices will simply lead to future silence.